Being 19...

It is precisely 12:29 AM. It doesn't feel any different.


I remember when I was a happy-go-lucky 12 yr old writing in my diary on my bedroom floor. I picked up a pencil and wrote in my ugly, scrawny hand writing, "I can't wait until I am 19. It will be so cool."


Tonight, I sit in my secluded room, alone with my thoughts. I never felt any winds of change. In fact, I felt...rather sad. Tears spill down my cheeks. Today, I will be spending my birthday alone. All my friends are gone, away at college. I, the lonely commuter, will drive to school by myself. I will shuffle to class quietly. I will sit with other students and pretend that everything is ok, because I know they aren't my friends. They won't know the difference of when I am ok and when I am faking it. I will take my psychology exam in my regular seat, the row on the right....by myself. And then I will go home and probably cry some more.

What is a birthday if you can't share the joy with anyone?? I look out my window and notice that there aren't even any stars out tonight....